Lost In Translation

I had a very weird text conversation last night. Transcript follows:

Note: The X’s are the words I understand but don’t know how to pronounce. Thirteen years of Chinese education down the drain…hay!!!

Unknown number (UN): Ni hao. (Hello, are you well?) [Yes, it’s in freakin’ mandarin, complete with Chinese characters. Or maybe it was in Hokien, I don’t know!]
Me: Hus dis?

(I didn’t know I could write a text message using Chinese characters on my handphone until yesterday when I tried it out. I felt like an idiot.)

Me (again): Ni shr shei/Di si siyanga? (Who are you?)
UN: Haha, ni yow shr shei ne? (Haha, and who are you?) [Duh, you texted me first!]
UN: Kh Kh wo shr ni te pheng yow ahh… (Kh Kh I am your friend kaya…)
Me: Wo te kwo yi hn pu hao…wo chn te wun ni: ni shr shei? Don’t make me guess coz I’m having a hard time finding the right characters already. Nui/Nan? (My mandarin is not so good…My question still: Who are you? Don’t make me guess coz I’m having a hard time finding the right characters already. Girl/Boy?)
UN: Khe ni ta te kwo yi zhe X pu tsuo la. Wo shr nui hay ts ni ne? (The mandarin words that you used weren’t wrong la…I am a girl, you?)
Me: I thought you know me so you should know what my gender is Ü [Jologs ako, me pa-smiley smiley pang nalalaman…]
UN: Kh Kh pu man ni shwo. Wo shr chong kwo ren. Wo pu XX ing wun. X ni chien siyaw le… (You don’t talk much. I am Chinese [Duh, hindi obvious, promise!] I can’t understand English. I know you’re smiling na…)
Me: Wo pu ming pay lo (I can’t understand na) [Haha kunyari lang yun]
UN: Ni pu ming pai sh mh ne? Neng shwo ma? (You don’t understand what? Can you speak?) [Lola hindi, hindi ko kayang magsalita kaya nga nakakausap kita…]
UN: Ni neng kaw shi wo, ni shr nan ren X shr nui ren ma? (Can you inform me, are you a boy or a girl?)
Me: Mey kwan si Ü [Smiley ka jan] ni chay fey li pin hwo ma ni la ma? Wo shr nui ren. (Nevermind/It’s OK. Are you in the Philippines or Manila? I’m a girl.) [I really feel like an idiot…]
UN:Shr ah. Wo chay ma ni la, ni ne? (Correct. I’m in Manila, you?)
Me: Wo chay QC. Twey pu chi, wo iaw shuey chiaw lo (I’m in QC. Sorry, I have to sleep.) [Nauubusan na kasi ako ng mandarin eh.]
UN: Chwo X haw X…uan an! (XXXX, good evening!)

Whew. My elementary chinese teachers and my language teachers in Taiwan would have heart attacks if they got to hear or see the way I structured my sentences. Que horror!

I didn’t get to know if she really was one of my friends. Maybe it was a missent text by a Chinese or Taiwanese national. They’re lucky to have sent it to someone who knows very very basic caveman mandarin or hokien. (Though I really don't believe in missent texts in situations like that. It's too much of a coincidence.) But if I found out that the girl is one of my friends, I promise I’ll hunt her down.

Top Twenty Five Reasons Why I Love My Buddy Guards So Much

Here's a short tribute to my guy friends, who have been putting up with my insanity for the past seven years now, and I hope (and I'm sure) they're looking forward in spending more crazy years with me. I don't know what brought about this entry. I spent some time with them over the weekend and I thought they, of all people, rightfully deserve a pseudo-altar in cyberspace on my blog. So guys, you know who you are. My heartfelt thanks!

1. They are brutally honest in their opinions.
2. They tell you when you look nice…
3. and yep, they ogle at you openly.
4. They can say really nice things about you and actually mean it…
5. and they won’t be waiting for something in return. (Well, maybe a compliment too hahaha)
6. They will fight for you until death whenever some guy hurts you in one way or another.
7. The way they’re so protective of you in everything makes you feel really loved.
8. They teach you about guy stuff that you won’t ever learn from your girl friends.
9. They eat a lot. And drink moderately and a lot. (Labo…)
10. Two of my guy friends are the authority in girl’s clothes. And they are not gay.
11. You can make them come and pick you up in your Makati office even if they’re over in Commonwealth or Antipolo if you have a plausible reason.
12. They forgive you easily for your mistakes…
13. but won’t let you get away with major ones.
14. They can pamper you and treat you like a princess (I always feel that way whenever I’m with them).
15. You can laugh at their burps and farts. (Phew!!!)
16. They teach you how to punch and kick properly so you’d know how to defend yourself.
17. You can always drag one of them in those cheesy, chick-flick kind or Tagalog movies and laugh about it after.
18. They bring you flowers or doughnuts if you drop hints heavily enough! (Hahahahaha it worked for me!)
19. They make the funniest faces in pictures.
20. They give you additional female friends in the form of their significant other…
21. and you can, together with their girlfriends, make fun of them hahahahaha Ü
22. They give very sensible advice.
23. They serve as very valuable gatekeepers and appraisers of every guy that shows interest in you.
24. They think you deserve a man who’s nothing short of perfect.
25. And they are very charming too! (*smirk*)

How I Got My Groove Back

Shmooshy's back! And he's brought a new friend along. Meet my 256MB storage device, Twinky! (clap clap clap!)

In addition to this, I am reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. JK Rowling's tone was very much like the one she used for the fifth book - heavy, with a tinge of melancholy air hovering throughout the pages. Sigh. Six down, one more book to wait for!


HP, Twinky and Shmooshy

The Date That Turned Out To Be Great

Went out with my office girlfriends last night to watch Juan Miguel's gig over at Racks El Pueblo. 'Twas my first time to go to a 'gig' and boy oh boy, I think we would've made a very big and weird impression if we just wore our office clothes. The crowd was so young, most of them were obviously college kids. I remarked to Suave, "This is the crowd wherein they still ask their parents for gimik money..." and she affirmed with a snicker and a nod of her head.

The music was so loud, I thought my eardrums were gonna pop out of my head. Stress! Menaya played first, and they sound good. They have promise! (*Hint hint* to someone!!!) After their set, the band Hale was setting up and over the speakers came out Barry White's song "Can't Get Enough of Your Love." Me, Torpeh, Suave and Idith was bobbing our heads to the beat of the song. I remarked, "We really must be getting old...we're liking Barry White and swaying to his song!"

Hale was good, though I kept on yawning and looking at my watch. I really am getting old...'twas just 11:30pm and I was already having difficulty keeping my eyes open, considering the live music was so freakin' loud. The girls and I went out in the middle of Hale's set to get some fresh air, 'coz the cigarette fumes and the mixed odors of the people there were getting noxious. The girls were all glassy eyed, looking dreamily at Champ, Hale's lead vocalist. He's preppy, cute in a Chinese Josh Hartnett kind of way. Flashes were going off left and right and almost every girl and some guys all had their camera phones out and videoing the whole thing. I can relate. If it was Jude Law, Hayden Christensen or Orlando Bloom there I would've been dragged out by their bodyguards.

We were talking outside when Juan Miguel (yes, THE Juan Miguel of Torpeh) came out dragging (guess who?) Champ over to us. We got introduced and got to shake his hand. He seems really nice and cuter up close. I know we incurred envious looks from most of the girls there, but I guess we, or should I say I, just got lucky - it was the first time I've ever heard their songs and I already got to meet the much sought-after Champ. Lucky lucky me.

A lot of teasing went on that night, at the expense of Torpeh. Siya kasi eh. But that's gonna be another entry. For now, I'm waiting for Sir Jun B. to finish his talk so that him, Suave and I can haul our as*es over to Angeles this afternoon. I'm getting sleepy, so...

ENOUGH

I have reached my boiling point right now about a certain person (let’s call him Wallace since the meaning of the name is “Stranger”). He has got to be the most frustrating guy in my life. Well, not for long now – this is the last time that I will exert any effort for him. Enough. I don’t need the stress. I don’t need the frustration in trying to second-guess whatever it is that he wants to convey. I don’t need the feeling of being unsure, of being kept hanging about something so trivial. Kinakausap ko siya ng maayos, sana naman sumagot siya ng maayos. WTF, man, all I wanted to know was if he could make it or not. Don’t you just hate it when you text someone, asking about something, say, a meeting happening on that day itself and then never getting any reply? I know I must’ve looked like a nagging moron, calling him up and texting him four times in the span of two days, but I did it just to show that I was really psyched about that meeting. Hindi pa nga makulit yon eh. Not answering my calls and texts is not the polite or manly way to say “No.” It’s the coward’s way (and no, I’m not going to apologize). You could simply send a text. Or tell me directly. Is that so hard to do? I can read a bloody text or take a bloody hint, you know.

Writing this is absolutely cathartic for me. I’ll give Wallace the satisfaction of knowing that he affected me this way if he reads this. Just this once. And never again.

To Wallace, here’s my message: Fine. I got the hint. If you’ve got any excuses, I don’t want to hear it. Now go away and leave me alone.

I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I don’t know why I’m letting him. Bloody hell. Enough is enough.

How I Led Torpeh On

Yes, yes I admit it! I shamelessly led Torpeh on! I was so excited, I was on the verge of kilig. There was a lot of action going on between us as we were going home last Monday night.

Huh? No, no, I’m not promiscuous. Torpeh is a girl (look at my entry ‘Suave Line For The Week’ down there), and no, I am very confident about my uh, sexual preference. I led her on because…

Well, anyway. Let me start from the beginning. I was driving home with Torpeh when she told me that she has a lunch date for tomorrow. He was her friend’s colleague from the company Tiger Woods is endorsing (at least I think he is – they keep on mentioning something about becoming a tiger in every one of their advertisements). I asked for the guy’s name and when she gave it to me, it sounded so familiar, I was sure that this guy was my batchmate from the school on the hill that I blurted out “Cute yaaan, cute yan go go go!!!”

Of course Torpeh, being the exuberant girl that she is, was immediately caught up with my enthusiasm. “Talaga?!?!?”she said. I told her that the guy (let’s call him Joaquin Magno – what the heck do I have with regal sounding names?!?) was the crush of one of my friends before. I think.

Yeah, see, the thing was, I can’t recall the guy’s (my friend’s crush) name. I think it was as regal sounding as Joaquin Magno’s name, but I was almost sure that it was almost the same guy. Almost. My memory falters. I must be getting senile.

I told her that I don’t know if we’re talking about the same guy, but I was almost sure that we are. Then she goes, “Ayan, tuloy, na-pe-pressure na ako…”Oh dear. “Let’s just cross our fingers and pray that we’re talking about the same guy,” I remarked, showing her my crossed fingers while banging it against the steering wheel for emphasis.

“Tell you what, I’ll go check my yearbook when I get home. Picturan ko siya and then I’ll send it to you through MMS,” I said, hoping to pacify her and at the same time fervently wishing that we were correct. She was looking at me with a frown on her face. To further alleviate her worries, I stated, unhelpfully, if I may add, “Okay fine, meron siyang malaking nunal sa mukha. As in yung kalahati ng mukha niya nunal…” while dissolving into giggles.

The first thing I did when I got home was to bring out my yearbook and search for Joaquin Magno. Uh-oh…wrong guy. My friend’s crush was named Marco pala. Patay. I texted Torpeh to confirm her worries – that we were not talking about the same guy. She still want me to send her a picture, so I did. Her feedback? “Waaaaaahhh mukhang totoy!!!”

So there. That is how I lead Torpeh on. I had good intentions, really. But for once, my usually sharp memory for details failed me. Blame it on my senility.

If you wanna know what happened on the lunch date, go here.


The Hill's Survey

Got this from one of by true blue friends and he tagged me...yech...oh well

1. What's your student number? 98---1
2. Did you pass Ateneo or was waitlisted? i passed
3. How did you know your ACET (Ateneo College Entrance Exam) result? Xtian told me
4. Is Ateneo your first choice? Yep
5. What is your ACET score? No idea
6. What course was your first choice? Mgt
7. Second choice? LM
8. Are you chinito? No
9. From Ateneo high? Err…yeah =P
10. Did you enjoy you orsem (orientation seminar)? Yep
11. What gate did you use on your first day? Gate 3
12. Did you live in a dorm? No
13. Did you ever get an "F"? no
14. How about an "A"? yes
15. Highest grade? A
16. Lowest? D
17. Worst experience in admu: lottery for registration. Try going to school around three am and you’ll see what I mean.
18. Did you always attend your classes? Yep
19. On scholarship? No
20. Did you dream of being "laude?" laude lang
21. When did you graduate? 2002
22. Fave teacher? Manny Dy and Tina Astorga
23. Worst teacher? Antonia Santos
24. Fave subject/s? Our core curriculum (philo, theo, socio, eco) and english literature
25. Worst subject? History 166
26. Favorite landmark in admu? Bel field
27. Building? Rizal lib
28. fave eating place? Caf, manang’s and the whole katipunan strip
29. Did you pay student rates in jeepneys? No
30. Are you always at the Rizal lib? Only to sleep and to cram for orals.
31. Ever gone to the infirmary? Once
32. Any crush on campus? A lot!
33. Girlfriend? Haha lots
34. Any plans to get a master's or a Ph. D.? in the future
35. What were your PE subjects? Ballroom dancing, fitness walking (duh?) and taekwondo
36. How was your block ? oh my…don’t get me started…they’re the best!
37. Ever watched a graduation? Yup
38. Memorized "Song for Mary?" oh yeah definitely
39. Memorized "Fabilioh?" no. what’s fabilioh?
40. How about "Halikinu?" oooohhhh. No.
41. How about "Blue Eagle Spelling?" yep
42. Are you a member of Team Ateneo? No
43. Who were your favorite UAAP basketball players? Tenorio!!!
44. Ever got "perfect" in an exam? Yep
45. What do you hate most about hell week? The wait
46. Did you learn how to smoke and drink there? No
47. What did you like about our school? Everything
48. What didn't you like? Parking and the lady guard sa lib
49. Bought anything in the A-shop? Yep
50. Did you look good in your ID pic? Ugh no
51. Did anything illegal inside the campus? U mean aside from sleeping at the lib for 5 hours?
52. Bought anything in National katips? Yup
53. Have you been to Starbucks katips? Yeah ewww
54. Want to study again? yep

Fifteen Pick Up lines

Pick up lines. Why would anyone ever want to use pick up lines, anyway? I admit, some of them work if they’re real or witty enough, but do guys really have to use them? Most of them drive me to have fits of laughter which, of course, would embarrass the guys dropping them. Part of the embarrassment is my fault, I know. But hello, most girls don’t want to hear pick up lines. They’re so lame. It would be better off if guys just get it real and go straight to the point.

I’ve compiled some pick up lines that my friends and I had the fortunate (or unfortunate) opportunity to hear. I’m sure you can find it on the Internet also; for all we know it was there where the guys got it in the first place. I think we were lucky enough to merit the interest of pretty decent guys. Hehehe.

1. Hey, wanna get lucky? (No.)
2. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here. (Uh….)
3. Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell out of heaven? (Cheesy…)
4. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart. (Pwedeng pumasa…)
5. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Girl: No. Guy: Well then, please start. (Yabang mo, ‘tol!)
6. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. (Get away from me you schizo!)
7. Hi. Are you cute?
8. I bet you P50 you're gonna turn me down.
9. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
10. Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me? (Panalo!)
11. Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one? (Can you guess to whom this was said to?)
12. Hi. Wanna dance?
13. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
14. Wow. (This is very effective. So simple! I don’t know what’s up with guys and the sun moon stars or whatever…)
15. (My favorite from the French duude!) Hi, do you know how much an average penguin weighs? Girl: No Guy: Just enough to break the ice, hi, I’m ______.

Effectiveness of these pick-up lines are not guaranteed. It has to have the right place, right time and the right delivery. BUT, you can almost always get the name of the girl you’re eyeing (provided that she isn’t attached or don’t have overprotective male friends around) since we, as a courtesy and sign of uh, respect to the guts you’ve shown in approaching us, are obliged to smile and say hi at the very least. Just hope that the names you’ve been given are real.

Suave Line For The Week

You have to know the context where the line was said. It was delivered by one of my girlfriends, whom I shall refer to as Torpeh. Here goes!

Torpeh was in the car with Juan Miguel at Greenbelt 3 parking lot last Sunday. They’ve just finished their date and was talking about their…uh…relationship (or whatever you call it. Labo eh.)

Juan Miguel reached out and grasped Torpeh’s hand. And then he brought it to his lips and kissed it. Torpeh looked at him and remarked, “Alam mo, wala diyan yung bibig ko. Nandito,” while pointing to her lips.

Juan Miguel didn’t know what to expect. Was she joking? He didn’t know what to do – to laugh perhaps? Or take her up on her offer?

Torpeh, sensing Juan Miguel’s confusion, repeated her statement. “Hindi nga. Wala diyan yung bibig ko. Nandito.” And so it was.

Torpeng-torpe nga siya. Hwahahahahaha. =D

PS. Juan Miguel got into a minor car accident after their date. Hmm...I wonder why???