Honesty

Being honest makes things so much easier. You don't have to remember the lies you've told, and to whom you've told them to. You carry less emotional baggage, you have a clean conscience. Telling the truth may be painful, but it can be very liberating at the same time.

This is me, pissed off, my raw emotions at its purest. Why the intro on honesty, you ask? I was, am disappointed with one of my uh, so-called friends. I found out today that he (yes, it's a he) lied about one tiny, insignificant thing. You may think I am blowing this out of proportion, but hear me out. The fact that he had to lie about such a tiny little thing just got to me. I mean, why lie about a trivial thing? I thought he was beyond all of it, I thought he was mature enough not to play games like that, that he was man enough to tell the truth. But I was dead wrong. So dead wrong. I had a hunch that he was doing that for some time now. In fact, I was really disappointed because I can't even count on the very foundation of our 'friendship'. I am seriously doubting if there was a true friendship in the first place. You can't have the basis of a friendship founded on lies. Maybe it's the fact that I got used to my friends who were telling the truth all the time. I kid you not. I have an amazing set of friends who rarely lies, heck, I can't even recall a lie that they've uttered. Insults, yes, but lies? No, I don't think so.

I made a vow before that I would always strive for the truth in every aspect of my life - especially in uttered words, because it can be easily corrupted. I find no sense in lying - there's a difference in keeping quiet, and withholding the truth, but that's another story. I do struggle once in a while. It's painful at first, the adherence to the truth, but once you get used to it, it becomes easier and it becomes almost second nature. In the book "A Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck, the hardest part in the principle of discipline is the adherence to the truth in all aspects. Arrrgghh. I can't remember everything that I've read, I'm in too much emotional stress right now.

I called up Law and ranted. He remarked, "You know, that guy's making you jaded." I agree. How could he, how could he?

It's been so hard for me to learn to let go of things and people that are not worth my time. I have given that friend so many chances to redeem himself in my eyes, but bloody hell, he just keeps on scr*wing up.

I just need to let it go. Have it his way. I have to forgive myself for my stupidity in thinking, maybe this time he'll tell the truth. Ahhh, blast it.