On Loneliness

First, I'm sharing an incident that happened just this morning at the MRT station. I got out of the car and followed my brother up the steps leading to the trains. A voice at my right asked, "Saan ka nag-wo-work?" I ignored it, of course, since I figured if it's someone I know he/she would've called out my name first, or, call me by my name should I remain silent after the question. This guy didn't. He asked that question again, and when I turned to see who that person was, I didn't have any bloody idea who he was. He was smiling, smirking, as he watched my obvious confusion as to who the bloody hell was he. I lowered my eyes, trying to project that I was a bit flustered, but in truth I was close to screaming "Sod off, you nasty wanker!" I know that I shouldn't have judged him by the way he looked, but he looked so creepy. He was unshaven, looked unclean, and he freaked me out. It was 7 o'clock in the bloody morning! Guys, please do not try to pick girls up at that uncivilized hour, especially when you're in the morning rush between seven to nine AM, in the city called Metro Manila. I love the city, but hell, we do have some colorful and shady characters going all around the metropolis. Those situations that two strangers meet each other on the subway or on the bus or on wherever only happens in the movies, got that? It rarely happens in real life. Or maybe I'm the kind of girl that attracts shady characters at seven on the morning. Haha, call that animal magnetism.

I got my PS yesterday afternoon, and I feel absolutely blessed! I do, I really do. I didn't count my moolah at the office because I was too shy to do so. I called my mum and dad, and they were so proud and happy for me. When I hung up, I still felt the need to share the good news with a particular third person, but then it hit me: I do not have that particular person to share it with. That person is non-existent, and at that moment I felt at a loss for emotions, for words. The third person that I'm talking about is supposed to be my significant other. Since I don't have one, I was hit by a pang of loneliness, of wistfulness, of ache, perhaps. I imagined that if there was this someone for me, I think he would be the one that I'd call first. Really. I would've wanted to share the news with him first. But he's not here, with me (yet). I don't even know who he is! That loneliness resonated within me throughout the day. And it was a reminder that I am still human. I forget it most of the time.

I'd like to end my entry with one of the best lines from my all-time favorite, feel good, life-is-brilliantly, poignantly beautiful movie, Meet Joe Black. The scene is where Bill Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) his daughter Susan (Claire Forlani) are on board his helicopter, having a talk about (guess what?) love. Here goes.

Bill: I know it’s a cornball thing. But love is passion, obsession. Something you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. ‘Cause the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, ‘cause if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

I haven't quite mastered the "forget your head and you listen to your heart" skill, but hey, I'm trying. I'm doing my utmost. And it's looking beautiful ahead.